The Weight of Goodbye

A few weeks ago, I experienced a very personal loss. I was not emotionally or mentally prepared for this.It broke me. As humans, we often try to find answers that fit our narrative:

"Why did this happen to me? Did I do something wrong?"

"Was there something I could have done but missed?"

"This can't be real... not to me."

We all seek peace in our own way. Some find comfort in facts and logic, others turn to prayer, visit spiritual places, or search for stories similar to theirs.

For me, it was a mix of everything that could offer me peace - answers, courage to accept, and strength to move forward.

But the truth is: some things are simply beyond our control.

It took me weeks to accept what had happened and to begin preparing myself to move forward. Even now, there are moments when the emotions come rushing back. Pain and this loss will always be a part of me.

I am deeply thankful to the friends, doctors, and even strangers, who offered comfort when I needed it the most.

New prespective

A friend recommended a book to me - Many Lives, Many Masters - Dr Brian Weiss. I finished it in a day (because I needed the distraction so badly).

It was based on a true story, which made it even more interesting. I truly loved it. It gave me more to reflect on and more questions to explore (again, I was desperately seeking answers).

Did this book take away my pain? No. But it helped me realize something: everything happens for a reason — and sometimes, we just need to accept that.

To be honest, when a human is in pain, logic fades.

Have empathy

Throughout this time, many people around me had no idea what I was going through. Some were emotionally demanding, expecting me to match their energy to smile, to laugh, to engage.

But I couldn’t. I was barely able to speak. That’s when I truly realized how quick people can judge. "Why aren’t you excited like I am?", "Why are you so distant?""

This experience taught me that empathy is far more important than judgment. Instead of asking - "why is this person acting differently?"", perhaps ask - "what might they be going through today?""

Moving forward

Life doesn’t stop. We must find the courage and the reason to keep going, and that’s exactly what I’m trying to do.

I’ve come to accept this loss as something that happened due to forces far beyond me, beyond logic, beyond control. There was nothing I could have done. All I can do now is grieve, accept, and slowly move forward.

In this emotional journey, I gained 4 kg a result of stress, emotional eating, and grief. I knew it might happen. But I also chose not to fight my mind or body in those moments. Sometimes, you just have to let yourself feel, without guilt.

No matter how much we plan, life often chooses its own path.

To the grief. To the pain. To the healing.

PS: If you are going through something, please talk to someone (friends, family, or even profressional therapist).