Clock is ticking - 20, 30, 40

I keep hearing that your 30s mean the end of life. That your 20s are the right age to get married, have kids, and that in your 20s you have to have a successful career. And I have no idea what people say about their 40s and 50s.

I was reflecting on how, with age, I missed many milestones that were set by "society", and how I am doing now.

PS: My career was not fugured out till my mid 30s. I got married in my 30s, I have moved country in my late 30s.

Uff, those innocent 20s

My 20s were very confusing, figuring out life, career, relationships. I think I used to act emotionally intelligent, but I was not at all. I was trying to have a bigger and bigger social network. Chasing FB followers, being first to post on FB, focusing on getting a lot of likes on social media posts, every weekend should look like a party, watching the latest movie, shopping every weekend, trying every new restaurant, and so on. I was career oriented, but that was secondary.

Apparently, in my late 30s, these make me feel how stupid I was. But your 20s are about this only. Just enjoying life, chasing the trends, trying to show or make your life "cool" for everyone.

For me, the biggest regret looking back was that I quit the job, and I had good savings. I got many great opportunities like travel at tech conferences, speaking engagements, etc. at that time, but I said no, and I didn't enjoy my break. Only because I thought no job means I have no identity.

I thought my life was over. No one was going to respect me. People would make fun of me, as I had no job. Looking back, I realised the job is just a part of life, and not my whole identity. I should have learned to disassociate myself from "jobs, titles". Regarding my social circle, I think your 20s are a very important phase to make new friends, get your heart broken, get cheated, and so on, as you learn from your mistakes once and won't repeat them. By your 30s you will have a clear friend circle, or a support circle.

I am grateful that I did a few things at the right time, for example travel, shopping like a shopaholic, buying an expensive mobile, doing random stuff.

Kuch cheezein sahi age par kar leni chahiye. Some things, you should just do at the right age.

Now, in my late 30s, most of these things don't matter to me. I don't like or enjoy shopping. Suddenly, I have lost interest in the latest mobile phones, or gadgets.

Travel is just to de-stress and relax. I can't do a tight-packed itinerary. Also, I avoid most trips. I prefer staying at home.

30s where things changed

I always heard that your 30s mean the end of life. LOL. I remember I got an interview call from Microsoft and I was putting my whole self into preparing for it. My partner said, "Neha, relax. Please don't stress yourself."

me: "you don't understand. This is my last chance. I am turning 30 and it would be the end of my career."

However, looking back now I am laughing at this. My 30s were not the END of my life, career, or personal life. My 30s gave me clarity, financially and emotionally. I have started cutting out untrustworthy people. My tolerance for drama, fake people, and so on started reducing. I started giving myself importance, learned finance, learned WLB, learned what career actually means, and I have a small, nice, trustworthy circle of friends. I am not chasing numbers, but quality.

I have no interest in every day being a party day. If not, I am fine. If yes, then also fine.

I see 30s as a phase where an individual finally gets control of their life.

My late 30s are the BEST of my life so far. I have a few but good and trustworthy friends. I have the best husband and relationship with him. I am financially stable and secure. I have a good career and, in fact, I am at a position where I can take risks in my career and can even take a break. I moved countries with no regret and still can move back to India with no regrets.

I learned a lot in my 20s about myself. What I like, what I don't, what kind of relationship I want with myself or my partner, what kind of friends I want. Basically, my non-negotiables.

I had heartbreaks from friends and relationships. But now I thank them for making me learn lessons, and for helping me understand myself better.

All the job rejections, all the parties I was not invited to, all the people who showed me attitude or made me feel bad, all the movies I missed watching first-day-first-show, all the travel I was not able to do, all the "cool" things I was not a part of. Now, it doesn't matter at all. But at that time, it was breaking me and my confidence. It was a phase, but now I look back and smile. Good it happened, coz now I am stronger.

My early 30s went into healing. Mental, health, and many more. Understanding that I needed to heal from all the bad experiences of my 20s was the greatest awakening for me. I had 1 or 2 therapy sessions, but they didn't work for me. I took my own way to heal from the trauma. It was a long journey, but it worked for me.

To be the devil's advocate here. Maybe these experiences shaped my personality too. Maybe I struggle with validation, or confidence. Maybe now I don't like parties, as I was never part of any, and so on.

I don't know.

What I know is, with time, things will lose their relevance. But yes, it is important to experience things at the right age and time.

I have never been to any New Year party. Growing up, it was a big deal, even though it was nothing like the parties we have now. On the terrace, people would gather, have some food (chips, samosa, cold drinks), a music player would be borrowed from someone, music would be playing, some games. It was a time before mobiles and social media. No alcohol. And it was a very innocent phase. Looking back, I wish I had been part of that. I wish I had been able to enjoy many such things.

So, if you ask me, enjoy things at the right age and time, but with safety. As you grow up, or age, new things take priority and you will start losing interest.

40s

I remember a clip I saw where it was mentioned that in your 40s a switch flips, where you STOP caring about people and their opinion, and I can see this change happening in me.

Aging doesn't mean the end of life or career. With age we learn, and grow wiser.